House hunting is kinda like online dating.

August 31, 2011 at 1:01 pm 4 comments

Brad and I are house hunting.  It’s a tedious process.  We aren’t searching for the perfect house – it doesn’t exist, especially in our price range – but we’re looking for the perfect house for us.  So far I think we’ve looked at 8 or 9 listings, all rejected for one reason or another.

Most of the listings we’ve previewed online, scheduling appointments based on the promise ad potential we see in the pictures or virtual tours.  I’ve decided that house hunting isn’t so different from online dating.  And before you guffaw and say I don’t know what I’m talking about, let me say this: I dabbled my toes in the waters of online dating once upon a time.  Okay, maybe more than dabbled my toes.  I may have met and dated a few men online.

INFORMATION YOU SHOULD KNOW: This was waaaaay before I met Brad.  Whom I didn’t meet on the Internet, just through a good ol’-fashioned blind date.  Toe-MAY-toe, toe-MAH-toe.

It’s all in the marketing.  Realtors are crafty with their verbiage.  That fourth bedroom just might be an unfinished framed-in room in the basement with potential.  Lush landscaping may mean they’re the only ones on the block who haven’t competely given up on the yard this summer and continued with the watering.  Dry bar in the basement – someone’s haphazardly nailed up a counter and a cabinet.

Likewise, a good online personal ad is all about drawing them in.  I’m not saying people lie on their profiles – *cough* they DO *cough* – but I met more than one man who claimed to be six feet tall in his ad but fell a good inch shorter than me in person.  “Attentive and exclusive” means that man will stifle you and stalk you until you’re forced to take out a restraining order.  And if he describes himself as “charming,” run away and don’t look back.  The charm probably gets turned on for every woman who comes within a 10-foot radius.  I once dated a man who described himself online as “charming,” and he ended up meeting his future wife while he was on a date with me.

Yes, you read that right.  He met the woman who would become his future wife while out with me.  Someday, I’m going to write a book about my dating adventures.  Working title: You Can’t Make This Stuff Up.

We’ll continue to search for the right house, weeding through the duds and landing on a gem, just like I did in my dating life.  Fortunately, if we meet a house in person and don’t like it, we don’t have to send a follow-up “it wasn’t you, it was me, but I don’t ever, under any circumstances, want to see you again” kind of email.


Entry filed under: Life in general.

Remember college unplugged? Lacing up my shoes again.

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Cat  |  August 31, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    This is hilarious! Thank you 🙂 We felt so blessed when we were looking for this house to have a realtor who was totally honest with us. He showed us probably well over 30 houses in a week and was quick to point out cracks in the foundation or the ceiling, problems with the paint, the fact that it smelled like wet dog – whatever. This time around, we’re building and now WE are the ones trying to decide how to ‘spin’ our house to make it sell. 1/3 of the houses in our neighborhood are on the market so we’re definitely putting ours up as ‘cozy’ (aka the smallest on the block) and ‘family friendly’ (aka full of baby gates, stained carpet and crayon bedecked walls) :p Oh well…

    • 2. ~Amy  |  August 31, 2011 at 3:13 pm

      OMG, Cat, I just snorted water out my nose reading your spin on your house. Hilarious.

  • 3. Priscilla  |  August 31, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    You’ve watched House Hunters on HGTV, right? They always have to compromise on something .. size, location, charm. But I hope you don’t settle. You’ll find the right house for you and Mr. Right.

    • 4. ~Amy  |  August 31, 2011 at 3:14 pm

      LOVE House Hunters. Especially love mocking the people who have around 60,000 to spend but can’t settle for anything less than granite counters and fully updated bathrooms. 🙂


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