What’s your ultimate goal?

February 3, 2012 at 10:00 am Leave a comment

Week #5
Gain this week: 1.6 pounds
Total lost since 12/30/2011: .4 pounds

When I decided to make my goals for the year public, I knew I was opening myself up to potential public failure.

When I decided to blog about my weight-loss goal, specifically, I knew there were going to be weeks when I had to admit to all of you that I blew it big time.

What I didn’t expect: that the entire first month would qualify for the “I Blew It Big Time” award.

My head hasn’t been in it.  I have made plans to eat better and exercise more.  I have made lists on paper.  I have ended each day with the phrase, “Tomorrow I will do this thing!” ringing in my head.

And then I fall down each day, unable or unwilling to make the hard, necessary changes that will help me achieve my goal.

Brad said something to me last week that still lingers in my brain.  He didn’t mean it to be unkind.  It was truth.  He said I complain a lot on this blog about my inability to lose weight.

He’s not wrong.  And venting here – to you people, some of whom understand this journey – is not really a bad thing.  But my complaining is unjustified if I have done nothing, absolutely nothing to work towards my goal.

I’m leading a Bible study this winter.  That sentence may seem like a non-sequiter, but it really is related.  The title of the study is Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food.  It’s all about how most of us are overweight physically, yet underweight spiritually.

Yesterday’s video session hit me upside the head.  Here’s the gist: Our ultimate goal in this battle with our weight is not a specific number on the scale.  Instead, our ultimate goal is peace.

Peace.  I haven’t known peace in this area of my life for nearly a decade.  Instead, I have wrestled with guilt over my poor food choices and guilt over my lack of exercise.  I have been weighed down by regret and self-doubt.  I have expended so much mental energy on planning to get healthy and thinking about the foods I can’t have and dreading exercise.

What would it be like to free up all the space in my brain that’s devoted to thinking about this topic?  What could I accomplish in my Christian walk, in my professional career, in my family life?

I must give up the pity parties.  I must accept the fact that there are boundaries I have to set for myself, foods that will be off-limits and exercise that just has to be done.

BUT I must also acknowledge and rejoice that there is much freedom within the confines of those boundaries.  And I also must thank God that I am physically able to move, to run and walk and swim.

Peace.  That’s what I’m shooting for.  Peace with myself and with all the things God has given me.

In order to have that, though, first I may have to shoot the scale.

 

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Entry filed under: A weighty matter.

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