I’m tired of failing. So here goes.

September 23, 2012 at 6:30 pm 1 comment

There’s a subject that’s popped up frequently here at Blankies & Booboos.  It’s a sensitive topic; it’s an embarrassing topic; it’s a relatable topic. 

It’s about weight.

Specifically: it’s about my weight.

I struggle with how much to share.  I have written on this blog before about my attempts at weight loss.  I put my goals out there.  I’ve written about the different exercise classes I’ve taken and shared with you several of my attempts at plans like Weight Watchers.  And then I fail miserably, and I quit writing about it, because I’m ashamed and embarrassed about my failure and it seems easier to take my struggle private.

You know where that’s gotten me?  Truthfully? 

I am the heaviest I have ever been.

Seriously.  This is the  most weight I have ever carried, barring my two pregnancies.  In January of this year I vowed to lose 40 pounds.  Instead, I’ve gained 10. 

Those are hard truths for me to admit.

At 5’9″, I need to lose 26 pounds just to get in the healthy weight range.  I’m one Olive Garden dinner away from seeing a 2 instead of a 1 in front of my weight.

So why share now?  Why write about this on my blog, make it public for my little world to see?   Why not just continue to fight this battle privately? 

Because I realized some things.

I realized I need support.  I need to know that I’m not the only one fighting this battle.  I need to know that others are staring down the same challenges. 

I realized I need accountability.  I don’t need a drill sergeant who’s going to take me to task every time I mess up, but a friend who will remind me of the goals I am trying to reach and who will pick me up when I fall down.  Because I will fall down.  And I need a squad of cheerleaders to help me back up.

I realized this battle really isn’t as private as I thought it was.  Because y’all have eyes, and y’all can see me.  I might as well be honest about that, instead of hiding behind the lie I frequently tell myself that I “carry my weight well.”  

I realized that my story may be recognized by some of you as your story.  And I wanted you to realize that you are also not alone. 

So what now?  I’ll be blogging about this over the next weeks and months.  I will write about the hows and I will write about the whys – because hey, blogging is cheaper than therapy.  Most of all, I will write about the daily fight, even when – especially when – it gets ugly.

For some of you, this topic may hit uncomfortably close to home.  Others of you may not be able to identify at all.  That’s okay.  I just hope there’s something in my story that speaks to you in some small way.

Let the battle begin…

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Entry filed under: A weighty matter.

The times, they are a-changin’. Starting With Why.

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. It Starts With Food. « Blankies & Booboos  |  September 28, 2012 at 9:29 am

    […] my little rant earlier in the week, my friend/cousin Jacque sent me some recommended reading.  She told me I should read the book It […]

    Reply

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