It’s Just My Competitive Nature. (Subtitled: Why Amy hates sucking at stuff.)

October 14, 2012 at 11:01 am Leave a comment

I ran a 5K this morning.  If I am being honest, I should really state that I participated in a 5K this morning, as the word “ran” implies that I’m a lot faster than I really am.  What I do is more like a slog (slow jog).  Or a walog?  (Walk-jog.)

Whatever you call it, it’s slow.  Turtles look at me and laugh.  I was passed by an older lady speed walking the course.

My unofficial / official time was 41 minutes.  Sure, I finished the race.  Sure, I never stopped to walk.  But I’m disappointed.  I had a goal of finishing under 38 minutes. I felt like I was running a much better race than the one I did in September.  Yet I finished at exactly the same time.

Insert heavy sigh here.

Brad asked me why it matters.  I’m not in it to win any awards.  I’ve never been a runner.  I tried, I finished. Shouldn’t that be enough?

Why yes, it should be.  But it bugs me that I’m not better at this sport.  Because I hate, hate, *hate* not being good at something.

We had a guest speaker at our MOPS group this week.  Davis is a former teacher turned speaker / consultant.  He coached me in volleyball and basketball in the 8th grade.  At a relevant point during his talk, he turned to me and asked,

“Hey, Amy, are you still competitive?”

Me?  Competitive?

Does a frog bump its ass when it hops?

I have always been competitive.  I wanted to be the best in school, in music, in sports.  Sadly, while school and music were a natural fit, the sports thing never came easily.  I am not graced with the most athletic ability.  I tried hard.  But I still rode a lot of pine.  (Shout out to my Sisters of the Pine, Angela and Ashley.)

I’ve most certainly never been a runner.  I did my first 5K in 2011, mostly just to see if I could run 3.1 miles in a row.  I finished that race five minutes faster than I did today.

BUT: A year and a half later, I’ve completed five 5Ks.  For a girl that could barely run one mile three years ago, I’ll have to accept that as my accomplishment.  And I didn’t come in dead last today.

So I’ve got that going for me.

********

It’s Day 19 of 30 on my Whole30 plan.

Somewhere around Day 14, it got easier.  I didn’t say *EASY*, I said *EASIER.*  There are still challenges.

Take, for instance, dinner at my in-laws last night.  My brother-in-law and sister-in-law were in town, and they made fajitas.  There was plenty for me to eat: chicken and beef, pico de gallo, avocadoes.  I didn’t go away hungry.

Yet I really, really wanted the sour cream, and the cheese, and the tortilla, and the chips – all the stuff that would normally accompany my fajita “guts”.  Maybe a nice cold Corona to wash it all down.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the sweets.  There were cake and cookies for dessert.  My mother-in-law has started stocking up on Halloween candy.  She always has a bowl of M&M’s out for anyone to take.  And I love, love, LOVE me some M&M’s.

I didn’t cheat.  Funny thing is, all of that stuff looked good, but I didn’t want to get off track.  I am finding it easier to say no and walk away from things that would derail my eating plan.

I’ve also decided to extend my Whole30.  I’m going to keep on plan until my birthday on November 20th.  That makes it more like a Whole55 for me.  I know there is more work I can do to clean up my eating and really work through my issues with food.

I hereby amend my statement that it’s Day 19 of 30.  It’s actually 19/55.

The plan for the next 36 days?  Just keep on, keepin’ on.

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Entry filed under: A weighty matter.

It takes two. Mama said there’d be days like this…

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